Within the fascinating experience that is life, change is a continual occurrence, and an example of ongoing change is that which is experienced through loss. Humans experience loss in many ways, commonly through the death of a loved one or the end of a relationship. A key component of loss is grief.

Grief is a personal process connecting the emotional, social, and physiological realms and is closely tied to overcoming the crisis that comes with loss. For some, grief may be a time involving self-acceptance and self-discovery, while for others, it may be a time of isolation and denial of reality. No matter how it is experienced, it is a journey of mental, emotional, and relational readjustment that may substantially alter a person’s daily life.

Professional counseling can help those experiencing loss and grief identify internal and external resources available to them promotes empowerment, a sense of community, and encourages grieving in healthful ways. Below are tips to support those struggling with loss while also incorporating self-care practices.

Grief Guidance

• Acknowledge grief is a personal experience and listen to the person without an agenda.
• Honor the grief someone is experiencing while being prepared to give the person space.
• Learn what spiritual practice or creative outlet allows the person to connect with their sense of meaning and purpose, then make recommendations accordingly. Not everyone will feel comfortable drawing or journaling.
• Observe how the person is moving through the grieving process and refer as needed. Some may seek a spiritual approach, while others may benefit from a grief counselor if they require more specialized care.
• Maintain self-awareness. Ask yourself, “How does dealing with someone grieving make me feel?” “Does it trigger any personal memories?” “To what extent can personal issues be distracting?”
• Be respectful of the person’s grieving and don’t turn encounters into interrogation sessions. Through self-awareness one may realize addressing someone’s grief can be anxiety provoking.
• It is okay to respond with, “I don’t know”.
• Grief counseling can trigger emotional reactions that may be new and uncomfortable. If this occurs, don’t hesitate to seek support from a trusted person.

Grief Resources for Military Families

One very important component when addressing the process of loss with someone is that, similar to a crisis, the grieving individual may not have the frame of mind, the peace, or the support to address even the most essential basic needs. It may feel as if with the loss comes a loss of connection and where to look for help. Having an advocate who is attuned with the resources available within the military community can be a game changer. The Military & Family Life Counseling (MFLC) program is available to all service members and families for on-installation support with a number of life’s challenges through free, short-term, confidential non-medical counseling. MFLC counselors can help bridge the gap between the grieving person or family and the different agencies that can provide resources to aid during times of despair. Start by contacting your installation’s Military and Family Support Center for more information on the MFLC program. Reaching out for help and resources is an essential element in the process of healing and recovery from loss.

As the pandemic grows, healthcare workers are experiencing a new level of stress and fear. Since our first piece about healthcare workers and mental health, the toll that COVID-19 cases have taken on them has become more difficult than any could have imagined.

First, let us again say thank you to all of you, from EMTs who answer the first calls to the doctors and nurses who tend to the sickest. Your selflessness and heroism is inspiring.

We’ve set up a counseling hotline for healthcare workers and first responders at 1-800-327-7451 (TTY 711). Your call will be answered by our licensed mental health clinicians. Our team is trained and ready to listen and help during this difficult time.

There are so many things that are out of our control. We are dependent on others to address many aspects of the big picture, but there are things outlined below that we can do for ourselves and those close to us. No single recommendation is enough by itself, but when taken together, they may help.

Talk about it

Acknowledge your anxiety, fear and grief, and talk about it.

Many of our colleagues and friends say that leaning on fellow healthcare workers is very difficult. Everyone’s heart beats a little bit faster when they greet a COVID-19-positive patient, so how can we ask them to support one another? Yet this is what we do as a medical community daily. Peer support is key.

• If a compassion fatigue group isn’t available at your workplace, work with your employer to put one together.
• If a group option isn’t available, talk to your co-workers about what you are seeing and how it is affecting you. You’ll be surprised at how many share your feelings but have been afraid to say anything. Hospital workers have talked about how a quick meeting at the beginning of their shift, during a break or at other times—to talk, pray, or have a moment of silence—has helped them tremendously.¹
• Many hospital systems have been deploying their psychiatric workforce as volunteers to help colleagues who need it.² Ask your employer if this is available.
• If you don’t want to talk about it at work, find a former co-worker or friend from school or training to talk to, or contact Magellan Healthcare at the phone number above.
• Finally, if you are at a point where your feelings impact your ability to perform or feel comfortable in your role, talk to your supervisor or your organization’s human resources group about your employee assistance programs. Monitor your physical and mental symptoms. You may reach a position that you need to be treated by a behavioral health professional. If that happens, contact one as soon as possible.

Make your voice heard

Some healthcare workers are feeling betrayed by their employers and others.² Whether it’s lack of PPE, feeling unappreciated or being expected to work excessive hours, these feelings can make an already untenable situation worse. While there is much you cannot control, don’t let that stop you from advocating for yourself and others.

• Ask for more PPE or the protocols for how it is allocated. Understanding why things are happening can help people accept them and enable you and your colleagues to offer suggestions from the front lines.
• If you are frustrated about things that you see, think about how you would make them better. Make a list and discuss them with coworkers to come up with solutions. Once things slow down, you’ll have strong suggestions for improving your work environment.

Maintain focus

• Remember why you became a healthcare worker. Maybe you watched a family member battle an illness, or you felt a calling to help people. Think about that during these times.
• Remind yourself that what you are doing is noble. The cognitive impact of recognizing the value you offer will help you serve your patients in a positive way.
• Consistent with your training and dedication, keep your focus on the patient in front of you, on protecting yourself to the best of your abilities and extending those protections to the home setting when you are off work.
• When you are off work, turn your focus to what is happening in the moment.

Take care of yourself

• We acknowledge that recommending meditation or focusing on breathing in the midst of chaos and fear may not seem helpful for some. Think about how you breathe when you are stressed. Some of us hold our breath without realizing it; others breathe very shallowly. We don’t realize it until we get around to taking a real breath.
• As you work around people with COVID-19, you might be afraid to breathe deeply. If you can, try to go to a place where you feel comfortable doing so, and take a few deep, slow breaths. Something as simple as this can release stress and clear your mind.
• Exercising may feel like a lofty goal as well. Try to find 10 minutes for a brisk walk, or a quick set of jumping jacks, sit-ups and push-ups.
• If you don’t have time or energy to cook, find easy-to-eat fresh foods like bananas, oranges and carrots.
• To help you relax and get to sleep, try apps like Headspace, Calm and Balance. AMA members can access these for free.
• Finally, if you are on medications for a pre-existing behavioral health condition, don’t stop taking them, and contact your provider if your symptoms are getting worse.

For more information and tips, visit www.MagellanHealthcare.com/COVID-19.

As an Adolescent Support and Counseling (ASACS) Counselor, it has always been a passion of mine to provide counseling and prevention serves to teens and their families. I’ve been very fortunate to fulfill that calling and having a platform to make an impact at Daegu Middle High School in Daegu, South Korea.

In supporting and working with the Daegu students, I developed a year-round leadership club called the Role Model Club. The goal of this club is to develop middle and high school students so they serve as peer leaders for younger students in elementary school.

All Role Model Club candidates are selected by their teachers and are interviewed for entry into the Club.  Once selected, students participate in several field trips, planned by ASACS, to the elementary school and school-age services for Red Ribbon Week (an awareness week that raises awareness on the importance of a drug-free, healthy youth) and Military Children’s Month. The club members also assist fifth graders as they being their transition into sixth grade.

Role Model Club members also participate in the planning and facilitating of various campaigns and serve as a positive advocate for youth in the community. Role models learn to act as ambassadors through positively influencing their peers and learn important skills to engage and connect with peers that are graduating to the next grade level. 

Through weekly meetings, students create educational skits to promote healthy decision-making skills. We focus on a variety of topics such as: drug refusal, fire and bullying prevention, developing interpersonal skills, technology management, positive body image and many others.

Throughout the school year, I actively engage with parents of Role Model Club students, making sure they are informed of activities, fieldtrips, contests, and various campaigns that students plan and implement throughout the school year and summer months.

The positive feedback that this program has received from both students and their parents truly reaffirms my belief that the Role Model Club is a unique and enriching experience for teens to learn leadership skills that will last a lifetime.

About Jasmin Coty

Ms. Jasmin Coty has been an ASACS Counselor since December 1989 helping military and civilian families throughout Germany for over 20 years and in the last five years assisting teen and their families at Daegu MHS in Daegu, South Korea.